Queen Bee Betty

One thing I’ve learned since becoming a parent: everything is hard. Things that were easy before, aren’t, and things considered hard before motherhood become even more difficult. For instance:

Falling asleep- Okay, this shouldn’t be hard since I’m currently 8 months behind on sleep. The more experienced parents are probably like, “Ha? Only 8 months? Try 15 years behind on sleep!” Well, yes, we are all tired, some more than others. The reason I can’t fall asleep? The classic Mom worry, or maybe mine is better classified as “new-mom worry”.  First of all, I don’t have the most comfortable sleep positions (by choice…co-sleeping). Other than that, I google aimlessly to find solutions to problem, some of which I haven’t even encountered yet.  Here is literally my current google history: “What if my baby chips a tooth?”  “Nighttime Separation Anxiety at 8 months old,” “Transitioning from Co-Sleeping to Crib,” “Tips for getting baby to sleep in crib,” “Tips on getting baby to sleep,” “When can I give my baby juice?” “When do I wean my baby off the pacifier?” “When do I wean my baby off the bottle?” “Will my baby be bow-legged if trying to walk at 8 months?” “Husband and I can’t find time to have sex with co-sleeping baby,” “How much should my baby weigh?” “Is it safe to use Acrylic paint for baby footprints?” These are just a tiny smidgen of the thousands of new mom question I ask google. I sit there scrolling, reading, scrolling, hoping I will eventually close my heavy eyes and sleep like a baby…wait. Not sure where this saying, “sleep like a baby,” gets its origin. Refer to google questions.

Sleeping in itself (if you’re lucky enough to get it)-From personal experience, co-sleeping is a wonderful bond between baby and mommy. I love the feeling of her falling asleep in my arms, feeling the weight of her body give in and rest on top of me, watching her peaceful and beautiful face sleep, rolling her gently to the center of the bed, and feeling her warm, soft skin, and sweet baby breathe on my face all night. Okay, that’s the positive side; the side I would use to sell some type of baby sleeping product. The negative side, is no more night-time nookie, the fact Indie likes to lie horizontally, kicking mine or my husband’s backs all night long, and every little wiggle or movement wakes us up.  Not only is falling asleep a challenge but also staying asleep.  Before baby, you could have a conversation with me while I was sleeping, and I would wake the next morning having no recollection of it; in other words, I slept hard. Now, I don’t even sleep hard enough to dream. I’m constantly waking to make sure I’m not lying on the baby, or make sure she is a comfortable temperature, or I check to see if she is still breathing.  More experienced moms be like, “You still check to see if she’s breathing? Rookie.”

When you’re a new parent sleep is like Charles Manson’s parole-not going to happen.  Naturally, waking up in the morning is one more chore.  I used to put effort into hair and make-up before work. This week, I have literally worn a pony tail or some hair accessory that makes it look like I tried, but I really didn’t.  Turban headbands are my friend because I can push back my greasy, unwashed hair and hide it under something cute.

I never thought I would have to “schedule” when we go grocery shopping, but we do.  Most of the time, I just send my husband to the store, because it’s easier than loading up Indie. Sometimes, I even get to take a mom vaca to the grocery store. It’s like I glaze over and forget where I am. When I come to reality, I’m staring at products I would never consider buying. I’m just killing time…just to be away for a minute.

Work, work, work- Being a working mother is definitely the hardest. I have my full time job (aka being a mom), and then the second shift- my 40 hour work week job.  I am constantly pulled between wanting to be an individual, having time to myself (even if that time is spent scheduling appointments and balancing budget ledgers), making my own money, and wanting to spend all day every day with Indie. I feel guilt for leaving her with strangers at daycare. I feel I'm missing out on her life. I feel I don’t give my boss my 100% professional self because 99% of my mind is on Indie while I’m at work. When that other 1% kicks in, and I start getting work done, I see her pictures circling my desk, and start thinking of her again. Getting off at 5:00pm used to mean free time, but now it just means more work: dinner, dishes,  diapers, detergents, the list goes on. The weekend used to mean something completely different than it does now. I used to look forward to the weekends so I could paint, scrapbook, or other various crafting,  play piano, spend time with my husband, watch movies,  go out to eat, drink beer, and hang out with friends. Now, I can’t wait for the weekend, just so I can see my baby. It makes me really sad when I think of the fact the daycare workers see my baby more than I do. I want the weekend to come now, not so I can sleep in, but so I can wake up early next to my baby.

Oh, and moms or dads never get sick days. It kind of sucks. That Nyquil commercial nailed it.